You'll bat your eye out!

Ah yes, here's another episode of amazement in the minds of Kaite any myself.

Last night, A Christmas Story was on TBS. Yes, that's right. THE Christmas Story that gets put on perpetual repeat on Christmas. THE Christmas story that everyone watches so much at Christmas that no one can even mention it for another year without treading on the possibility of Christmas-induced spazms.

ANYWAY, we were watching this, and I suddenly came to the realization that little Ralphie happened to look like little Dustin:





Well, once we came to this realization, we started thinking, what if the other characters were played by the Sox? Here's the "official" list:

Mrs. Parker - Varitek
Mr. Parker - Timlin
Ralphie - Pedroia
Randy - Buchholz
Flick - Ellsbury
Schwartz - Papelbon
Miss Shields - Youlkilis
Farkus - Schilling
Dill - Beckett
Santa - A Rod
The Elves - Jeter and Damon

The movie is SO MUCH funnier if you watch it with these substitutions in mind. I swear, this Christmas I'm going to be cracking up more than usual at this movie.

To give y'all a general idea as to what was going through our heads, I have included some key scenes with the proper name-changes. I guarantee, you'll never watch this movie the same way again =D


Pedroia: Oooh fuuudge!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Timlin: [stunned] *What* did you say?
Pedroia: Uh, um...
Timlin: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!

[Timlin reads a side of the box with the prize that he won]
Timlin: Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.
Varitek: Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, dear.
Timlin: Oh, yeah.

[overdressed for winter]
Buchholz: I can't put my arms down!
Tek: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.

Ellsbury: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Papelbon: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Ellsbury: You're full of it!
Papelbon: Oh yeah?
Ellsbury: Yeah!
Papelbon: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Papelbon: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Pap created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

Papelbon: Hey, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Ellsbury: Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything like that?
Papelbon: He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off. (Buchholz is trying to catch up).
Buchholz: C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!

Varitek: Buchholz? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for?
Buchholz: Timlin's gonna kill Dustin!
Varitek: No he's not...
Buchholz: Yes he is!
Varitek: No, I promise, Timlin is not going to kill Dustin!

Pedroia: Tek, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.
Varitek: Dustin, will you please calm down?
Pedroia: Tek!
Varitek: Hush!
Timlin: SHUT UP, Dustin!

Yeah, there's so much more, but the internet is stupid and doesn't seem to deem this movie worthy enough of a free e-script. Oh well. So, feel free to use this as a reference the next time you watch this movie! I know I will. *wink*