Prequel to the Epic Cupcake Story

Adventures in the life of the Red Sox, Episode One.

Written in AIM by Katie and myself.

Jacoby gets some lady problems, Pedroia gets a stripper, and Pap gets drunk.


Katie (10:09:05 PM): could you imagine jacoby breaking up with some one
Mary (10:09:06 PM): awwwwww
Katie (10:09:18 PM): can i uhhh
Katie (10:09:20 PM): ummm
Katie (10:09:29 PM): have my uhh sweatshirt uhhh back'
Katie (10:09:31 PM): ya know
Katie (10:09:44 PM): and shed clearly be a skank
Mary (10:09:46 PM): mmhmm
Katie (10:10:19 PM): and hed be really sad
Katie (10:10:24 PM): and everyone would be all awwww
Katie (10:10:28 PM): poor jacoby
Mary (10:11:50 PM): and pedroia would bake him a cake
Mary (10:11:52 PM): and make him dinner
Mary (10:12:01 PM): then tuck him into bed at night
Mary (10:12:07 PM): underneath teh new bedspread that his mom told him to buy
Katie (10:12:10 PM): and be like nah man shes a ho
Katie (10:12:14 PM): bitches aint shit man
Katie (10:12:35 PM): and Jacoby would be like but i really liked her
Mary (10:12:50 PM): :;sniffle::
Mary (10:12:59 PM): and pedroia would be sitting on the edge of hte bed
Mary (10:13:02 PM): rubbing his back
Katie (10:13:26 PM): and beckett would come in and be like come on just get some new ladiess
Katie (10:13:32 PM): and they'd all laugh
Mary (10:14:08 PM): because they know that beckett meant strippers
Katie (10:14:25 PM): and then Beckett would be like
Katie (10:14:35 PM): come on we're goin out tonight baaaayyybeeee
Mary (10:14:51 PM): and pedroia looks around nervously for the wife
Mary (10:14:59 PM): and seeing she's not there, he goes OK
Katie (10:15:12 PM): and ellsbury just smiles a little
Katie (10:15:18 PM): even though hes still sad
Mary (10:15:39 PM): and when they get to the strippers, there's Pap, up there, dancing with the strippers
Katie (10:15:57 PM): and they all just die laughing
Katie (10:20:08 PM): and then jacoby almost sleeps with a stripper but he doesnt cause hes a good boy
Mary (10:20:21 PM): mmhmm
Mary (10:20:23 PM): he's like
Mary (10:20:36 PM): "i dont want to catch any diseases...."
Katie (10:21:03 PM): and becketts like jesus christ where are all the college chicks
Mary (10:21:17 PM): and he says
Mary (10:21:18 PM): oh right
Mary (10:21:21 PM): the're with Pap
Katie (10:21:49 PM): then hes like lets go to like BU i'm sure they got chicks
Katie (10:22:43 PM): and Jacoby's like i think im just gonna go and he starts walking away
Katie (10:22:50 PM): and then pedroias like no you're coming
Katie (10:22:59 PM): you're my excuse
Mary (10:23:05 PM): hahaha
Mary (10:23:06 PM): omg
Mary (10:23:08 PM): he's like
Mary (10:23:18 PM): the baby or the puppy that guys carry around
Mary (10:23:22 PM): to get chicks
Katie (10:23:32 PM): pretty much
Katie (10:23:44 PM): and hes like no seriously i dont feel good im just gonna go
Katie (10:23:47 PM): and runs away
Mary (10:23:50 PM): and no one can catch him
Mary (10:23:55 PM): except maybe coco
Mary (10:23:58 PM): but he's not there
Mary (10:24:06 PM): because he's basically got a family
Katie (10:24:20 PM): and hes not as messed up as them
Katie (10:25:36 PM): and then Jacoby's all scared
Mary (10:25:54 PM): walking through boston alone at night
Katie (10:26:34 PM): and he decides that this is prettymuch the worst day ever
Katie (10:31:28 PM): so he calls his mom
Mary (10:41:24 PM): so basically he is curled up in bed talking to his mom
Mary (10:41:31 PM): with a tub of ice cream
Mary (10:41:38 PM): and a spoon
Katie (10:42:34 PM): and he just keeps saying how all he wants is a good girlfriend
Mary (10:43:08 PM): and his mom is talking to him in navajo telling him it'll be ok
Katie (10:43:49 PM): and then his brother gets on the phone and tells him to sack up
Katie (10:44:05 PM): and hes like shut up
Katie (10:44:11 PM): im not a manwhore like you
Katie (10:46:46 PM): anyways so he calls his brother a manwhore and then starts talking to his mom again
Mary (10:47:20 PM): and shes like "dont worry, you'll find someone" and he goes "thanks mom i love you" and everyone in the world goes
Mary (10:47:23 PM): AWWWWWWWWWW <3
Katie (10:49:41 PM): and then hes like
Katie (10:49:44 PM): ya know what
Katie (10:49:48 PM): she was a skank anyways
Katie (10:49:52 PM): screw that ho
Mary (10:50:15 PM): and he goes
Mary (10:50:17 PM): MOM!!!
Mary (10:50:25 PM): and shes lke what, she was
Katie (10:50:42 PM): and hes like yea i guess so
Katie (10:50:45 PM): but still
Katie (10:50:51 PM): it doesnt make me feel better
Katie (10:50:56 PM): and shes like awe hunny
Mary (10:51:46 PM): and then pedroia bashes in to the house w/a stripper and Pap comes in behind him drunk off his ass
Katie (10:52:05 PM): and jacoby's like uhhh mom i gotta go
Katie (10:52:13 PM): love you bye
Mary (10:52:29 PM): and Pap barges into his room
Mary (10:52:35 PM): and flops down on the bed
Katie (10:53:13 PM): and Jacoby is like ok im leaving now
Katie (10:53:19 PM): and runs out of the house
Katie (10:53:23 PM): and is like
Katie (10:53:30 PM): i can't even stay in my own house
Katie (10:53:35 PM): so he gest all sad again
Katie (10:53:45 PM): cause he has nowhere to go and hsi friends are all trashed
Mary (10:53:58 PM): so he knocks on Tek's door
Katie (10:54:06 PM): and is like
Katie (10:54:10 PM): can i stay here tonight
Katie (10:54:23 PM): and hes like *all concerned* yea sure ok
Katie (10:54:26 PM): whats wrong?
Mary (10:54:45 PM): and they sit down on the couch, tek wraps him in a blanket and gives him coco
Mary (10:54:55 PM): and he starts telling tek what's wrong
Mary (10:55:01 PM): and he's all concerned
Mary (10:55:09 PM): and there's totally Lifetime on the TV
Mary (10:55:13 PM): but no one notices
Katie (10:55:38 PM): and then Tek is all reassuring him
Katie (10:55:44 PM): and hes like dont worry it's all gonna be fine
Katie (10:56:59 PM): and then Mrs. Tek comes in w/ cookies
Mary (10:58:07 PM): and she sits down and starts petting his head
Mary (10:58:14 PM): and telling him its going to be ok
Katie (10:58:38 PM): and shes like just let it all out hunny
Mary (10:58:42 PM): and he starts crying
Mary (10:58:54 PM): and tek and his wife guive him a giant group hug
Mary (10:59:13 PM): and then buckholz walks in, rubbing his eyes sleepily, and goes
Mary (10:59:21 PM): "you woke me up."
Mary (10:59:27 PM): "....why are you crying?"
Katie (10:59:38 PM): and Jacoby hiccups and is like sorry man
Mary (10:59:54 PM): and buckholz frowns and walks over and hugs jacoby
Mary (11:00:01 PM): then his cell phone rings
Katie (11:00:36 PM): and he's like who the christ is calling me
Katie (11:00:39 PM): and Tek is like
Katie (11:00:42 PM): watch your mouth
Mary (11:00:54 PM): Jacoby apologises and pulls out his pone
Katie (11:01:20 PM): and he's like i dont know this number
Katie (11:01:27 PM): i just dont wanna talk to anyonee
Katie (11:01:28 PM): and Tek's
Katie (11:01:35 PM): like just answer it
Mary (11:01:42 PM): so he does and it's Pap
Mary (11:01:44 PM): drunk off his ass
Mary (11:01:48 PM): and he goes
Mary (11:02:13 PM): "it's yerrr girlfirend. she's here and she's offering to bedazzle the shit out of my coat. WHERE ARE YOUUU?!"
Mary (11:02:20 PM): ::hiccup::
Katie (11:02:38 PM): and Jacoby just hangs up and starts crying again
Katie (11:03:08 PM): and Buchholz is like aw what happened
Mary (11:03:47 PM): and Jacoby explains it all to him, and Buchholz is like aww sorry dude. that's rough
Mary (11:03:57 PM): and tek's wife is like
Mary (11:04:18 PM): "i would stay up with you but i have to get up early" so she goes to bed and leads buchholz sleepily away
Mary (11:04:37 PM): and Tek pats Jacoby on the head and tells him to get some sleep on the couch
Katie (11:04:52 PM): and they're all like it'll get better i promise
Katie (11:05:06 PM): and then hes like all quiet "thanks"
Mary (11:05:14 PM): so Tek goes to bed
Mary (11:05:31 PM): and Jacoby puts down the cocoa, and snuggles into the couch
Mary (11:05:42 PM): he falls asleep soon after
Mary (11:05:54 PM): and awakes in the morning to some wallfes and bacon
Mary (11:05:57 PM): with a note
Mary (11:06:01 PM): from Pedoria
Mary (11:06:03 PM): saying
Mary (11:06:23 PM): "sorry i was drunk last night. come over after breakfast and we'll make cupcakes."
Mary (11:06:32 PM): PREQUEL TO THE CUPCAKE STORY!!!!