from CNN
From boston.redsox.mlb.com
From redsoxhens.mlbblogs.com
Can we has Jon Lester forever? K thx.
But for rizzles. According to extra bases , Lester appears to be a keen candidate for trade for Minnesota Twins' Johan Santana.
Don't do it. We wuv him too much. Although, EB also says that he's more likely to be chosen over Buchholz. 
from thenosebleeds.com
from Boston.com
I swear to Got in Himmel, if I wake up one morning to find my l'il Clay NOT in a Red Sox jersey.... THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY.
Want to know what else will happen if our wonder twins get offed? Follow us down the rabbit hole for further enlightenment.....
John Wayne and Johnny Cash will come back from the dead and haunt whoever makes the final decisions with sad songs and tales of the wild west, occasionally throwing in misadventures of Beckett for a modern-cowboy feel.
We will cry.
Katie will eat your soul.
I will personally come to your house with a baseball bat and make threatenning gestures.
Did I mention John Wayne and Johnny Cash will come back from the dead?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Finders Keepers!!!
Monday, November 26, 2007
How I Became a Red Sox Fan
Sooooooooooo I was talking to Mary earlier and I was showing her this IM convo i had last June about how I became a Red Sox fanand she told me i should post it so here I am posting lol it's written the way that I typed it in my IM so bear with me
Katie: wanna hear a sad story
friend: sure
once there was this lil girl
she didn't really know anything about baseball
but when she turned 8 her parents decided it would be good for her to play softball
so she got A LITTLE bit more interested in baseball
then she discovered Nomar and Pedro
and after that she discovered the Yankees
and Roger Clemens (version NY) and Derek Jeter
and well R&D always seemed to beat N&P
so she said well I like the Yankees cause they always win
but Nomar's my favorite cause he's cool
so this girl got a little older and when she was about 12 she kinda started paying attention more and like hey this is a kinda cool sport
then when she was 13 in 2003 she saw the ALCS and discovered Ruben Sierra (Yankee) now this girl had a friend named Siearra so she decided that if they were related it would be Siearra Sierra
and then the Yankees won
but it wasn't like nice for the little girl
she didn't feel good about that team
but whatever it's over now they lost to the Marlins in the 03 WS anyways sooooo she did all the normal winter stuff
sledding and whatnot
then in like April of 2004 this girl was at her aunts house chillen with her cousin and the red sox game was on
then this guy named Pokey Reese got up to bat
the girl and her cousin started cracking up
but then it all came back to the little girl, all the random players she'd heard of but ignored and this new guy with the wicked cool name
plus the memory of Cowboy Up! what that meant she never really knew but the girl just GOT it now
and so this girl said...
fuck the Yankees I like the red sox
and POKEYY
so she got a red sox hat and the girl was never ever ever the same
she did cartwheels n her driveway when they beat the Yankees in 04 and then screamed and jumped like a psycho when they won the world series
and she was hooked
forever
then 05 came and thing weren't that great but favorites left(Pokey, Dave Roberts, Orlando Cabrera, a bunch of other peeps) and new favorite emerged out of nowhere one in particular who was introduced by these people in the girls speech class this player?
Gabriel Stefan Kapler
he had left the sox but ended up coming back
of course there was also Billy Mueller the quite guy who everyone just loved
and Kevin Millar the loud mouth cowboy who was always acting like an idiot
oh speaking of idiots did I forget that guy that looked like Jesus but we won't talk about that
yea those were the days
anyways then in June Manny Ramirez decided he wanted to get traded AGAIN but he's crazy so everyone just pretended to try and trade him
not to mention the HUGE Dominican guy who make pitchers cry (David Ortiz) decided to get even better than he was
and then in the end of July along with the return of dear Gabriel came a new face (new to me at least)
a young guy who got drafted out of college in 03
he did great no one really noticed though cause Curt, Curt, my ankle hurts was making his return as well
aaaanyways 05 didn’t end up working well
and the 05-06 winter was very long
and kinda sadd
dear Theo Epstein quit and we lost the Jesus dude (Johnny Damon) to the enemy and everyone got a lil pissed
but it's ok cause they found a replacement The Chocolaty one
Coco Crisp(ies) and with a whole new infield 2006 came
06 started out as an angry year for the now 15 year old girl
with thoughts of betrayal by Mr. Damon
but the new guys made it better
so with a bunch of crazy fist pumps the guys started spring training
Josh Beckett a new pitcher came in looking like he was always ready to kick ass a long with his new bff Curt "my ankle doesn’t hurt anymore" Schilling
and the new guy from last July?
he's closing now
has an earned run average less than one and has 20 saves already
his name? Jonathan Papelbon
but this year is not all fun and games
there have been thoughts of ripping off faces and beating the crap out of people but we shall be ok
because the return of a great man is upon us
Gabe Kapler WILL BE BACK
muwahahahahaaha(ha)
the girl you've heard so much about?
her name is
Katie
hahaha
Well I guess everyone has to start somewhere right?
and if you thought I was sane at all you've probably seen the light
So say what you will but I love this team a lot and that's that.
You'll bat your eye out!
Ah yes, here's another episode of amazement in the minds of Kaite any myself.
Last night, A Christmas Story was on TBS. Yes, that's right. THE Christmas Story that gets put on perpetual repeat on Christmas. THE Christmas story that everyone watches so much at Christmas that no one can even mention it for another year without treading on the possibility of Christmas-induced spazms.
ANYWAY, we were watching this, and I suddenly came to the realization that little Ralphie happened to look like little Dustin:
Well, once we came to this realization, we started thinking, what if the other characters were played by the Sox? Here's the "official" list:
Mrs. Parker - Varitek
Mr. Parker - Timlin
Ralphie - Pedroia
Randy - Buchholz
Flick - Ellsbury
Schwartz - Papelbon
Miss Shields - Youlkilis
Farkus - Schilling
Dill - Beckett
Santa - A Rod
The Elves - Jeter and Damon
The movie is SO MUCH funnier if you watch it with these substitutions in mind. I swear, this Christmas I'm going to be cracking up more than usual at this movie.
To give y'all a general idea as to what was going through our heads, I have included some key scenes with the proper name-changes. I guarantee, you'll never watch this movie the same way again =D
Pedroia: Oooh fuuudge!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Timlin: [stunned] *What* did you say?
Pedroia: Uh, um...
Timlin: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!
[Timlin reads a side of the box with the prize that he won]
Timlin: Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.
Varitek: Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, dear.
Timlin: Oh, yeah.
[overdressed for winter]
Buchholz: I can't put my arms down!
Tek: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.
Ellsbury: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Papelbon: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Ellsbury: You're full of it!
Papelbon: Oh yeah?
Ellsbury: Yeah!
Papelbon: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Papelbon: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Pap created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!
Papelbon: Hey, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Ellsbury: Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything like that?
Papelbon: He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off. (Buchholz is trying to catch up).
Buchholz: C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!
Varitek: Buchholz? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for?
Buchholz: Timlin's gonna kill Dustin!
Varitek: No he's not...
Buchholz: Yes he is!
Varitek: No, I promise, Timlin is not going to kill Dustin!
Pedroia: Tek, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.
Varitek: Dustin, will you please calm down?
Pedroia: Tek!
Varitek: Hush!
Timlin: SHUT UP, Dustin!
Yeah, there's so much more, but the internet is stupid and doesn't seem to deem this movie worthy enough of a free e-script. Oh well. So, feel free to use this as a reference the next time you watch this movie! I know I will. *wink*
Thursday, November 22, 2007
If you can dodge a wrench....
Ahh, Thanksgiving. After stufing my face with turkey, stuffing, and other delicious things, I love to sit down with a good movie on TV. This year, it just happens to be Dodgeball.
Katie and I have decided that Patches O'Houlihan, you know, the crazy guy in the wheelchair, is going to be Beckett this winter with Buchholz and Lester.
"If you can pitch a wrench, you can pitch a ball."
Katie: "is it necessary to eat nails?"
Mary: "No. But I do it anyway because it's badass and I like the taste."
Katie: You know that Beckett has a pitcher poster that says "i suck" on it. and it's like Kenny Lofton. He has an A Rod one too.
And Buchholz is totally that poor kid that keeps getting KILLED by the ball.
I feel so bad for these guys, but I WANT to see this get turned into a reality TV show. Now.
ARE YOU LISTENING ESPN? THIS IS TELEVISION GOLD.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
All your Lowell are belong to us.
Mike Lowell is still with the Sox!
It was announced yesterday that the Sox re-signed our beloved 3rd baseman.
The Red Sox will have the best eyebrows in baseball for another 3 years =)
I love his eyebrows almost more than Martin Scorsese =D
For a real news story thinger, go here
IN OTHER NEWS:
Neil Diamond's favourite baseball team is the Red Sox =) No lie. Kinda funny with the whole 'Sweet Caroline' bit
END OF POST =)
Type rest of the post here
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Dustin Pedroia has nose problems.
Anyone who watches him at bat has seen then infamous open-mouth-nose-adjustment thing.
But why?
And what about this video?
I have a few theories.
1. He has serious sinus issues. Like, he has perpetual conjestion or something.
2. He takes coke.
3. He has scratch-and-sniff wallpaper and his nose is shot to hell from sniffing it so much.
I swear, he rubs his nose as much as Ellsbury says umm/uhh/you know.
QVC?!
I somehow managed to miss Papelbon on QVC the other night.
And Manny just finished his bit on Jay Leno.
Now I'm waiting for Papi on Conan.
This brings me, though, to a very important issue: the Sox on talk shows.
It's great to see them getting publicity. However, there's so many things that can go wrong with this.
1. Beckett. I don't think I need to say much more. If he went on a live show, he would need at least a 7 second delay. And he would probably offend someone. Multiple times. And he wouldnt care.
2. Pedroia on Conan. I want to see this. the 5'6 ish 2nd baseman being interviewed by the 6'4 talk show host. Someone book this. Now. PLEASE.
3. Papelbon doing anything. Look at what has already happened. He talked incessantly about partying, swore, and revealed Papi's secret life as a Bedazzler. And he sat with his legs about 90 °rees; apart from each other. This man needs serious help.
4. Jacoby. This kid obviously never took speech class. There's so many "ummms" and "uhhs" in there that I can't help but love him even more. He could go on any show and just be soooo uncomfortable. Poor Jacoby. He needs a hug.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Prequel to the Epic Cupcake Story
Adventures in the life of the Red Sox, Episode One.
Written in AIM by Katie and myself.
Jacoby gets some lady problems, Pedroia gets a stripper, and Pap gets drunk.
Katie (10:09:05 PM): could you imagine jacoby breaking up with some one
Mary (10:09:06 PM): awwwwww
Katie (10:09:18 PM): can i uhhh
Katie (10:09:20 PM): ummm
Katie (10:09:29 PM): have my uhh sweatshirt uhhh back'
Katie (10:09:31 PM): ya know
Katie (10:09:44 PM): and shed clearly be a skank
Mary (10:09:46 PM): mmhmm
Katie (10:10:19 PM): and hed be really sad
Katie (10:10:24 PM): and everyone would be all awwww
Katie (10:10:28 PM): poor jacoby
Mary (10:11:50 PM): and pedroia would bake him a cake
Mary (10:11:52 PM): and make him dinner
Mary (10:12:01 PM): then tuck him into bed at night
Mary (10:12:07 PM): underneath teh new bedspread that his mom told him to buy
Katie (10:12:10 PM): and be like nah man shes a ho
Katie (10:12:14 PM): bitches aint shit man
Katie (10:12:35 PM): and Jacoby would be like but i really liked her
Mary (10:12:50 PM): :;sniffle::
Mary (10:12:59 PM): and pedroia would be sitting on the edge of hte bed
Mary (10:13:02 PM): rubbing his back
Katie (10:13:26 PM): and beckett would come in and be like come on just get some new ladiess
Katie (10:13:32 PM): and they'd all laugh
Mary (10:14:08 PM): because they know that beckett meant strippers
Katie (10:14:25 PM): and then Beckett would be like
Katie (10:14:35 PM): come on we're goin out tonight baaaayyybeeee
Mary (10:14:51 PM): and pedroia looks around nervously for the wife
Mary (10:14:59 PM): and seeing she's not there, he goes OK
Katie (10:15:12 PM): and ellsbury just smiles a little
Katie (10:15:18 PM): even though hes still sad
Mary (10:15:39 PM): and when they get to the strippers, there's Pap, up there, dancing with the strippers
Katie (10:15:57 PM): and they all just die laughing
Katie (10:20:08 PM): and then jacoby almost sleeps with a stripper but he doesnt cause hes a good boy
Mary (10:20:21 PM): mmhmm
Mary (10:20:23 PM): he's like
Mary (10:20:36 PM): "i dont want to catch any diseases...."
Katie (10:21:03 PM): and becketts like jesus christ where are all the college chicks
Mary (10:21:17 PM): and he says
Mary (10:21:18 PM): oh right
Mary (10:21:21 PM): the're with Pap
Katie (10:21:49 PM): then hes like lets go to like BU i'm sure they got chicks
Katie (10:22:43 PM): and Jacoby's like i think im just gonna go and he starts walking away
Katie (10:22:50 PM): and then pedroias like no you're coming
Katie (10:22:59 PM): you're my excuse
Mary (10:23:05 PM): hahaha
Mary (10:23:06 PM): omg
Mary (10:23:08 PM): he's like
Mary (10:23:18 PM): the baby or the puppy that guys carry around
Mary (10:23:22 PM): to get chicks
Katie (10:23:32 PM): pretty much
Katie (10:23:44 PM): and hes like no seriously i dont feel good im just gonna go
Katie (10:23:47 PM): and runs away
Mary (10:23:50 PM): and no one can catch him
Mary (10:23:55 PM): except maybe coco
Mary (10:23:58 PM): but he's not there
Mary (10:24:06 PM): because he's basically got a family
Katie (10:24:20 PM): and hes not as messed up as them
Katie (10:25:36 PM): and then Jacoby's all scared
Mary (10:25:54 PM): walking through boston alone at night
Katie (10:26:34 PM): and he decides that this is prettymuch the worst day ever
Katie (10:31:28 PM): so he calls his mom
Mary (10:41:24 PM): so basically he is curled up in bed talking to his mom
Mary (10:41:31 PM): with a tub of ice cream
Mary (10:41:38 PM): and a spoon
Katie (10:42:34 PM): and he just keeps saying how all he wants is a good girlfriend
Mary (10:43:08 PM): and his mom is talking to him in navajo telling him it'll be ok
Katie (10:43:49 PM): and then his brother gets on the phone and tells him to sack up
Katie (10:44:05 PM): and hes like shut up
Katie (10:44:11 PM): im not a manwhore like you
Katie (10:46:46 PM): anyways so he calls his brother a manwhore and then starts talking to his mom again
Mary (10:47:20 PM): and shes like "dont worry, you'll find someone" and he goes "thanks mom i love you" and everyone in the world goes
Mary (10:47:23 PM): AWWWWWWWWWW <3
Katie (10:49:41 PM): and then hes like
Katie (10:49:44 PM): ya know what
Katie (10:49:48 PM): she was a skank anyways
Katie (10:49:52 PM): screw that ho
Mary (10:50:15 PM): and he goes
Mary (10:50:17 PM): MOM!!!
Mary (10:50:25 PM): and shes lke what, she was
Katie (10:50:42 PM): and hes like yea i guess so
Katie (10:50:45 PM): but still
Katie (10:50:51 PM): it doesnt make me feel better
Katie (10:50:56 PM): and shes like awe hunny
Mary (10:51:46 PM): and then pedroia bashes in to the house w/a stripper and Pap comes in behind him drunk off his ass
Katie (10:52:05 PM): and jacoby's like uhhh mom i gotta go
Katie (10:52:13 PM): love you bye
Mary (10:52:29 PM): and Pap barges into his room
Mary (10:52:35 PM): and flops down on the bed
Katie (10:53:13 PM): and Jacoby is like ok im leaving now
Katie (10:53:19 PM): and runs out of the house
Katie (10:53:23 PM): and is like
Katie (10:53:30 PM): i can't even stay in my own house
Katie (10:53:35 PM): so he gest all sad again
Katie (10:53:45 PM): cause he has nowhere to go and hsi friends are all trashed
Mary (10:53:58 PM): so he knocks on Tek's door
Katie (10:54:06 PM): and is like
Katie (10:54:10 PM): can i stay here tonight
Katie (10:54:23 PM): and hes like *all concerned* yea sure ok
Katie (10:54:26 PM): whats wrong?
Mary (10:54:45 PM): and they sit down on the couch, tek wraps him in a blanket and gives him coco
Mary (10:54:55 PM): and he starts telling tek what's wrong
Mary (10:55:01 PM): and he's all concerned
Mary (10:55:09 PM): and there's totally Lifetime on the TV
Mary (10:55:13 PM): but no one notices
Katie (10:55:38 PM): and then Tek is all reassuring him
Katie (10:55:44 PM): and hes like dont worry it's all gonna be fine
Katie (10:56:59 PM): and then Mrs. Tek comes in w/ cookies
Mary (10:58:07 PM): and she sits down and starts petting his head
Mary (10:58:14 PM): and telling him its going to be ok
Katie (10:58:38 PM): and shes like just let it all out hunny
Mary (10:58:42 PM): and he starts crying
Mary (10:58:54 PM): and tek and his wife guive him a giant group hug
Mary (10:59:13 PM): and then buckholz walks in, rubbing his eyes sleepily, and goes
Mary (10:59:21 PM): "you woke me up."
Mary (10:59:27 PM): "....why are you crying?"
Katie (10:59:38 PM): and Jacoby hiccups and is like sorry man
Mary (10:59:54 PM): and buckholz frowns and walks over and hugs jacoby
Mary (11:00:01 PM): then his cell phone rings
Katie (11:00:36 PM): and he's like who the christ is calling me
Katie (11:00:39 PM): and Tek is like
Katie (11:00:42 PM): watch your mouth
Mary (11:00:54 PM): Jacoby apologises and pulls out his pone
Katie (11:01:20 PM): and he's like i dont know this number
Katie (11:01:27 PM): i just dont wanna talk to anyonee
Katie (11:01:28 PM): and Tek's
Katie (11:01:35 PM): like just answer it
Mary (11:01:42 PM): so he does and it's Pap
Mary (11:01:44 PM): drunk off his ass
Mary (11:01:48 PM): and he goes
Mary (11:02:13 PM): "it's yerrr girlfirend. she's here and she's offering to bedazzle the shit out of my coat. WHERE ARE YOUUU?!"
Mary (11:02:20 PM): ::hiccup::
Katie (11:02:38 PM): and Jacoby just hangs up and starts crying again
Katie (11:03:08 PM): and Buchholz is like aw what happened
Mary (11:03:47 PM): and Jacoby explains it all to him, and Buchholz is like aww sorry dude. that's rough
Mary (11:03:57 PM): and tek's wife is like
Mary (11:04:18 PM): "i would stay up with you but i have to get up early" so she goes to bed and leads buchholz sleepily away
Mary (11:04:37 PM): and Tek pats Jacoby on the head and tells him to get some sleep on the couch
Katie (11:04:52 PM): and they're all like it'll get better i promise
Katie (11:05:06 PM): and then hes like all quiet "thanks"
Mary (11:05:14 PM): so Tek goes to bed
Mary (11:05:31 PM): and Jacoby puts down the cocoa, and snuggles into the couch
Mary (11:05:42 PM): he falls asleep soon after
Mary (11:05:54 PM): and awakes in the morning to some wallfes and bacon
Mary (11:05:57 PM): with a note
Mary (11:06:01 PM): from Pedoria
Mary (11:06:03 PM): saying
Mary (11:06:23 PM): "sorry i was drunk last night. come over after breakfast and we'll make cupcakes."
Mary (11:06:32 PM): PREQUEL TO THE CUPCAKE STORY!!!!
Lemme tell you somesing...
Papelbon on The Late Show.
GENIUS.
The entire transcript is here.
[EDIT] Oh, and wonderful Katie found the actual video of it on Youtube.
I love this man so much. Words cannot describe. Ok, maybe "a lot" can =D
And aparently Ortiz is a big Bedazzler <3
(END OF POST)
