New Banner/Poor Tek

2 Orders of Business:

A new banner: we has one.
I got bored last night and made us a spiffy new banner.
Tell me what you think, if you feel so inclined.

Part Two:
Tek, honey, deary, love of the catching aspect of my life....GET SOME MORE SLEEP.
You should NOT, I repeat for emphasis, NOT be playing yet.
Don't try to hide your wheezing at the plate.
Those puffed out cheeks, induced by a big whoosh of air, do not mean "I'm blowing dust from in front of my face."
It means "I still kinda have bronchitis and should really be sleeping this off, not trying to crack a ball onto the green monster."
[More behind the jump]



That is not the appearence of a healthy man.
He still looks kinda pale/ashen/whatever you wanna call it.
Take this interview exert as exibit B:
""When Johnny left it with Tim and he asked me to come aboard, it's hard to turn down an old buddy like him, " Jason said is a still-hoarse voice during an interview with NESN's Hazel Mae on the course today."

He's still hoarse.
And he was golfing.
In the rain.
Tek, honey-kins, make some soup, or get Timlin to make it for you, and go lay down on the couch. Take a nap. Do a crossword puzzle. Watch some Fraiser.
GET.
BETTER.

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Simple Pleasures

There are certain things in the Red Sox that Katie and I just find, well, amazing.
I like to refer to these things as our "Simple Pleasures."
Behind the cut, you shall find this list, with a few pictures to illustrate my point.


1. Pap's Commercials
Dunkin Donuts, Modell's, 125 Auto... Pap seems to be the one to pick when it comes to having a Red Sox endorse your product. I have decided that the winner in this contest of the best Pap Performance has to go to his new Dunkin' ad.However, I can't find it on YouTube, so here's his absolutely STELLAR performance in his 125 Auto ad:



2. Tek's thighs.
Now, I know that this made be an odd thing for someone to find awesome. Those people have obviously never seen Tek's thighs (See also Number7):



3. Dice-K's pitching wiggle
Honestly, watch Dice-K's pitch very closely next time. His lower half does this little wiggle before he pitches. It's not HIGHLY noticeable, but if you're looking you'll see it.

4. Dustin's most recent stubble.
He is clearly trying to look older. Awww, that's precious. He wants to be like one of the big boys.
(I couldn't find a picture of this, but if he doesn't shave for tomorrow's game, I'm sure I can get one =D )

5. Jacoby's one-sleeve
Last season Jacoby's one-sleeve was a major mystery. Did he have a strange birthmark? Embarrassing tattoo? Was he shooting up heroin in between games? Apparently not. It's just an arm-warmer. Something about the fact that he just doesn't want to wear an extra shirt is quite, umm, interesting ;-).



6. Lowell's eyebrows
Ok, this is a common source of affection. Everyone loves Lowell's eyebrows because they are clearly magical.


7. Jon Lester's Sweet Ass
We are not fangirls. Really. We don't simply like players because they're good looking/popular/super famous. We like everyone. But honestly, honestly you can not ignore Jon Lester's mighty fine ass. That is all. (ED. NOTE: This is mostly Katie. I can't help but agree, but this one is mostly Katie =D )



8. Johnny Pesky
Whenever I see him I smile. He's amazing. He is essentially my favorite person in the world. When he smiles, I smile. He cries? I cry. It is that simple. And when David Ortiz envelopes him and that ridiculous bear hug, Manny Ramirez kisses his cheek, or resident King of Niceness Tim Wakefield walks him across the field like his own grandfather it just makes my heart smile. I firmly believe that Johnny Pesky brings out the awesome in the world. (ED NOTE: This one is all Katie again. Not that I don't heart Pesky, but this is all Katie =P )



9. The speech patterns of the Sox.
Jacoby says ummm, ya know, and generally stumbles. Dustin says umm sometimes more than Jacoby. And Beckett often parallels the mouth of a sailor. Either way, the post game, locker interviews are some of the most golden pieces of Red Sox footage.
Key phrases:
"I don't make those fucking decisions."
"...Execute fucking pitches."
"and, ummm...."
"we just have to, you know, ..."

10. Clay and his frog-resemblance.
But it's a cute froggie. The kind you find in your back yard and want to keep in a jar with little holes in the lid. He also looks like he should be a high school freshman. You know, back when he was stealing laptops. Or at least being the look-out for other people stealing laptops.

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You'll bat your eye out!

Ah yes, here's another episode of amazement in the minds of Kaite any myself.

Last night, A Christmas Story was on TBS. Yes, that's right. THE Christmas Story that gets put on perpetual repeat on Christmas. THE Christmas story that everyone watches so much at Christmas that no one can even mention it for another year without treading on the possibility of Christmas-induced spazms.

ANYWAY, we were watching this, and I suddenly came to the realization that little Ralphie happened to look like little Dustin:





Well, once we came to this realization, we started thinking, what if the other characters were played by the Sox? Here's the "official" list:

Mrs. Parker - Varitek
Mr. Parker - Timlin
Ralphie - Pedroia
Randy - Buchholz
Flick - Ellsbury
Schwartz - Papelbon
Miss Shields - Youlkilis
Farkus - Schilling
Dill - Beckett
Santa - A Rod
The Elves - Jeter and Damon

The movie is SO MUCH funnier if you watch it with these substitutions in mind. I swear, this Christmas I'm going to be cracking up more than usual at this movie.

To give y'all a general idea as to what was going through our heads, I have included some key scenes with the proper name-changes. I guarantee, you'll never watch this movie the same way again =D


Pedroia: Oooh fuuudge!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Timlin: [stunned] *What* did you say?
Pedroia: Uh, um...
Timlin: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!

[Timlin reads a side of the box with the prize that he won]
Timlin: Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.
Varitek: Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, dear.
Timlin: Oh, yeah.

[overdressed for winter]
Buchholz: I can't put my arms down!
Tek: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.

Ellsbury: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Papelbon: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Ellsbury: You're full of it!
Papelbon: Oh yeah?
Ellsbury: Yeah!
Papelbon: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Papelbon: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Pap created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

Papelbon: Hey, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Ellsbury: Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything like that?
Papelbon: He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off. (Buchholz is trying to catch up).
Buchholz: C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!

Varitek: Buchholz? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for?
Buchholz: Timlin's gonna kill Dustin!
Varitek: No he's not...
Buchholz: Yes he is!
Varitek: No, I promise, Timlin is not going to kill Dustin!

Pedroia: Tek, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.
Varitek: Dustin, will you please calm down?
Pedroia: Tek!
Varitek: Hush!
Timlin: SHUT UP, Dustin!

Yeah, there's so much more, but the internet is stupid and doesn't seem to deem this movie worthy enough of a free e-script. Oh well. So, feel free to use this as a reference the next time you watch this movie! I know I will. *wink*

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