Simple Pleasures

There are certain things in the Red Sox that Katie and I just find, well, amazing.
I like to refer to these things as our "Simple Pleasures."
Behind the cut, you shall find this list, with a few pictures to illustrate my point.


1. Pap's Commercials
Dunkin Donuts, Modell's, 125 Auto... Pap seems to be the one to pick when it comes to having a Red Sox endorse your product. I have decided that the winner in this contest of the best Pap Performance has to go to his new Dunkin' ad.However, I can't find it on YouTube, so here's his absolutely STELLAR performance in his 125 Auto ad:



2. Tek's thighs.
Now, I know that this made be an odd thing for someone to find awesome. Those people have obviously never seen Tek's thighs (See also Number7):



3. Dice-K's pitching wiggle
Honestly, watch Dice-K's pitch very closely next time. His lower half does this little wiggle before he pitches. It's not HIGHLY noticeable, but if you're looking you'll see it.

4. Dustin's most recent stubble.
He is clearly trying to look older. Awww, that's precious. He wants to be like one of the big boys.
(I couldn't find a picture of this, but if he doesn't shave for tomorrow's game, I'm sure I can get one =D )

5. Jacoby's one-sleeve
Last season Jacoby's one-sleeve was a major mystery. Did he have a strange birthmark? Embarrassing tattoo? Was he shooting up heroin in between games? Apparently not. It's just an arm-warmer. Something about the fact that he just doesn't want to wear an extra shirt is quite, umm, interesting ;-).



6. Lowell's eyebrows
Ok, this is a common source of affection. Everyone loves Lowell's eyebrows because they are clearly magical.


7. Jon Lester's Sweet Ass
We are not fangirls. Really. We don't simply like players because they're good looking/popular/super famous. We like everyone. But honestly, honestly you can not ignore Jon Lester's mighty fine ass. That is all. (ED. NOTE: This is mostly Katie. I can't help but agree, but this one is mostly Katie =D )



8. Johnny Pesky
Whenever I see him I smile. He's amazing. He is essentially my favorite person in the world. When he smiles, I smile. He cries? I cry. It is that simple. And when David Ortiz envelopes him and that ridiculous bear hug, Manny Ramirez kisses his cheek, or resident King of Niceness Tim Wakefield walks him across the field like his own grandfather it just makes my heart smile. I firmly believe that Johnny Pesky brings out the awesome in the world. (ED NOTE: This one is all Katie again. Not that I don't heart Pesky, but this is all Katie =P )



9. The speech patterns of the Sox.
Jacoby says ummm, ya know, and generally stumbles. Dustin says umm sometimes more than Jacoby. And Beckett often parallels the mouth of a sailor. Either way, the post game, locker interviews are some of the most golden pieces of Red Sox footage.
Key phrases:
"I don't make those fucking decisions."
"...Execute fucking pitches."
"and, ummm...."
"we just have to, you know, ..."

10. Clay and his frog-resemblance.
But it's a cute froggie. The kind you find in your back yard and want to keep in a jar with little holes in the lid. He also looks like he should be a high school freshman. You know, back when he was stealing laptops. Or at least being the look-out for other people stealing laptops.

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This is why I love my family.

So, I was in Connecticut all day. My Great-Uncle Harold had recently died and my parents and I went down to CT for the family-gathering (the funeral is tomorrow, but we can't make it).
ANYWAY... I was sitting on my second-cousin Steve's couch, talking to his brother (my second-cousin Ron), and we started talking about the Red Sox. Ron was telling me that his daughter, when she was little, was really into the Red Sox, and she went to a game with him and his wife. She was absolutely in Red Sox heaven... until the end of the first inning. She was saying "Ok, can we go home now?" and Ron went "Umm... that's only the end of the first inning. There's eight more left."
Aparently, she grew out of the baseball thing pretty soon after. I mean, she was really little. But up to that time, Ron was so happy that he had a daughter who was so into the Red Sox.
Then, this year, he said she got into them again.
The reason?
"I think that we owe it all to Jacoby. Really, that appeared to be one of the major factors in her watching the game. Now she loves them again."
I don't know which makes me happy more: Jacoby turning one of my female relatives into a Sox fan... or my female relative getting back into the Sox because of Jacoby.
Hell, I blame Dustin for my Sox-dom. Oh, and Katie.
Also...


My Great-Aunt was telling me that any time that we feel like coming down to Florida for a visit, that we could stay with her.
Now, by the way, she lives about ten minutes from where the Red Sox have their Spring Training.
I mentioned somewhere around the 14th of February, and she said "Yeah... that seems fine to me..."
This, my friends, could be an amazing spring.

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Jetman!

For those of you who don't know what Jetman is... it's a highly addicting game on facebook. The Wikipedia article on it is here.

ANYWAY, as Katie was mindlessly playing it last night, and probably beating my high score, she got to thinking...


Katie: cant you just picture pedroia sitting for like hours playing jetman and he keeps like challenging jacoby and clay and beckett
Mary:AWWWWWWWWWW
Katie: but beckett sucks so he always write like in the challenges and hes like THIS GAME FUCKING BLOWS DICK
Mary: LMFAO
Katie: and like JETMAN IS A BITCH
-Johnny Cash distraction-
Katie: and you know becketts sitting listening to johnny cash while hes playing
Mary: HAHAHAHAHA
Katie: and he keeps losing cause he starts air guitaring
Mary: HAHAHA and thinking he sees a deer over the monitor. i bet pap plays too with jet brew
Katie: hes like i wish they had jethunter
Mary: LMFAO
Katie: and clays like they should have jetfrog
Mary: awwwwwwwwww
Katie: but since they dont have jethunter beckett uses jetcow and pedroia is like they should have jetchipmunk but he uses jetbanana instead and jacoby just uses the regular one cause hes a loserrr.

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Can i has lolz? plz?

k thx.


(follow teh linkage...)

Bask in teh glory that iz tonz of lols i has made.
Katie has made sum 2, but i 4get which ones is hers.
(Ok, it pains me to type like that, it truly does =P)
[All photos were from various places, including Katie's computer]

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You'll bat your eye out!

Ah yes, here's another episode of amazement in the minds of Kaite any myself.

Last night, A Christmas Story was on TBS. Yes, that's right. THE Christmas Story that gets put on perpetual repeat on Christmas. THE Christmas story that everyone watches so much at Christmas that no one can even mention it for another year without treading on the possibility of Christmas-induced spazms.

ANYWAY, we were watching this, and I suddenly came to the realization that little Ralphie happened to look like little Dustin:





Well, once we came to this realization, we started thinking, what if the other characters were played by the Sox? Here's the "official" list:

Mrs. Parker - Varitek
Mr. Parker - Timlin
Ralphie - Pedroia
Randy - Buchholz
Flick - Ellsbury
Schwartz - Papelbon
Miss Shields - Youlkilis
Farkus - Schilling
Dill - Beckett
Santa - A Rod
The Elves - Jeter and Damon

The movie is SO MUCH funnier if you watch it with these substitutions in mind. I swear, this Christmas I'm going to be cracking up more than usual at this movie.

To give y'all a general idea as to what was going through our heads, I have included some key scenes with the proper name-changes. I guarantee, you'll never watch this movie the same way again =D


Pedroia: Oooh fuuudge!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Timlin: [stunned] *What* did you say?
Pedroia: Uh, um...
Timlin: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!

[Timlin reads a side of the box with the prize that he won]
Timlin: Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.
Varitek: Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, dear.
Timlin: Oh, yeah.

[overdressed for winter]
Buchholz: I can't put my arms down!
Tek: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.

Ellsbury: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Papelbon: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Ellsbury: You're full of it!
Papelbon: Oh yeah?
Ellsbury: Yeah!
Papelbon: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Papelbon: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Pedroia as Adult: [narrating] Pap created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

Papelbon: Hey, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Ellsbury: Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything like that?
Papelbon: He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off. (Buchholz is trying to catch up).
Buchholz: C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up!

Varitek: Buchholz? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for?
Buchholz: Timlin's gonna kill Dustin!
Varitek: No he's not...
Buchholz: Yes he is!
Varitek: No, I promise, Timlin is not going to kill Dustin!

Pedroia: Tek, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.
Varitek: Dustin, will you please calm down?
Pedroia: Tek!
Varitek: Hush!
Timlin: SHUT UP, Dustin!

Yeah, there's so much more, but the internet is stupid and doesn't seem to deem this movie worthy enough of a free e-script. Oh well. So, feel free to use this as a reference the next time you watch this movie! I know I will. *wink*

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Dustin Pedroia has nose problems.

Anyone who watches him at bat has seen then infamous open-mouth-nose-adjustment thing.

But why?

And what about this video?

I have a few theories.


1. He has serious sinus issues. Like, he has perpetual conjestion or something.

2. He takes coke.

3. He has scratch-and-sniff wallpaper and his nose is shot to hell from sniffing it so much.

I swear, he rubs his nose as much as Ellsbury says umm/uhh/you know.

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QVC?!

I somehow managed to miss Papelbon on QVC the other night.
And Manny just finished his bit on Jay Leno.
Now I'm waiting for Papi on Conan.
This brings me, though, to a very important issue: the Sox on talk shows.

It's great to see them getting publicity. However, there's so many things that can go wrong with this.


1. Beckett. I don't think I need to say much more. If he went on a live show, he would need at least a 7 second delay. And he would probably offend someone. Multiple times. And he wouldnt care.

2. Pedroia on Conan. I want to see this. the 5'6 ish 2nd baseman being interviewed by the 6'4 talk show host. Someone book this. Now. PLEASE.

3. Papelbon doing anything. Look at what has already happened. He talked incessantly about partying, swore, and revealed Papi's secret life as a Bedazzler. And he sat with his legs about 90 °rees; apart from each other. This man needs serious help.

4. Jacoby. This kid obviously never took speech class. There's so many "ummms" and "uhhs" in there that I can't help but love him even more. He could go on any show and just be soooo uncomfortable. Poor Jacoby. He needs a hug.

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Prequel to the Epic Cupcake Story

Adventures in the life of the Red Sox, Episode One.

Written in AIM by Katie and myself.

Jacoby gets some lady problems, Pedroia gets a stripper, and Pap gets drunk.


Katie (10:09:05 PM): could you imagine jacoby breaking up with some one
Mary (10:09:06 PM): awwwwww
Katie (10:09:18 PM): can i uhhh
Katie (10:09:20 PM): ummm
Katie (10:09:29 PM): have my uhh sweatshirt uhhh back'
Katie (10:09:31 PM): ya know
Katie (10:09:44 PM): and shed clearly be a skank
Mary (10:09:46 PM): mmhmm
Katie (10:10:19 PM): and hed be really sad
Katie (10:10:24 PM): and everyone would be all awwww
Katie (10:10:28 PM): poor jacoby
Mary (10:11:50 PM): and pedroia would bake him a cake
Mary (10:11:52 PM): and make him dinner
Mary (10:12:01 PM): then tuck him into bed at night
Mary (10:12:07 PM): underneath teh new bedspread that his mom told him to buy
Katie (10:12:10 PM): and be like nah man shes a ho
Katie (10:12:14 PM): bitches aint shit man
Katie (10:12:35 PM): and Jacoby would be like but i really liked her
Mary (10:12:50 PM): :;sniffle::
Mary (10:12:59 PM): and pedroia would be sitting on the edge of hte bed
Mary (10:13:02 PM): rubbing his back
Katie (10:13:26 PM): and beckett would come in and be like come on just get some new ladiess
Katie (10:13:32 PM): and they'd all laugh
Mary (10:14:08 PM): because they know that beckett meant strippers
Katie (10:14:25 PM): and then Beckett would be like
Katie (10:14:35 PM): come on we're goin out tonight baaaayyybeeee
Mary (10:14:51 PM): and pedroia looks around nervously for the wife
Mary (10:14:59 PM): and seeing she's not there, he goes OK
Katie (10:15:12 PM): and ellsbury just smiles a little
Katie (10:15:18 PM): even though hes still sad
Mary (10:15:39 PM): and when they get to the strippers, there's Pap, up there, dancing with the strippers
Katie (10:15:57 PM): and they all just die laughing
Katie (10:20:08 PM): and then jacoby almost sleeps with a stripper but he doesnt cause hes a good boy
Mary (10:20:21 PM): mmhmm
Mary (10:20:23 PM): he's like
Mary (10:20:36 PM): "i dont want to catch any diseases...."
Katie (10:21:03 PM): and becketts like jesus christ where are all the college chicks
Mary (10:21:17 PM): and he says
Mary (10:21:18 PM): oh right
Mary (10:21:21 PM): the're with Pap
Katie (10:21:49 PM): then hes like lets go to like BU i'm sure they got chicks
Katie (10:22:43 PM): and Jacoby's like i think im just gonna go and he starts walking away
Katie (10:22:50 PM): and then pedroias like no you're coming
Katie (10:22:59 PM): you're my excuse
Mary (10:23:05 PM): hahaha
Mary (10:23:06 PM): omg
Mary (10:23:08 PM): he's like
Mary (10:23:18 PM): the baby or the puppy that guys carry around
Mary (10:23:22 PM): to get chicks
Katie (10:23:32 PM): pretty much
Katie (10:23:44 PM): and hes like no seriously i dont feel good im just gonna go
Katie (10:23:47 PM): and runs away
Mary (10:23:50 PM): and no one can catch him
Mary (10:23:55 PM): except maybe coco
Mary (10:23:58 PM): but he's not there
Mary (10:24:06 PM): because he's basically got a family
Katie (10:24:20 PM): and hes not as messed up as them
Katie (10:25:36 PM): and then Jacoby's all scared
Mary (10:25:54 PM): walking through boston alone at night
Katie (10:26:34 PM): and he decides that this is prettymuch the worst day ever
Katie (10:31:28 PM): so he calls his mom
Mary (10:41:24 PM): so basically he is curled up in bed talking to his mom
Mary (10:41:31 PM): with a tub of ice cream
Mary (10:41:38 PM): and a spoon
Katie (10:42:34 PM): and he just keeps saying how all he wants is a good girlfriend
Mary (10:43:08 PM): and his mom is talking to him in navajo telling him it'll be ok
Katie (10:43:49 PM): and then his brother gets on the phone and tells him to sack up
Katie (10:44:05 PM): and hes like shut up
Katie (10:44:11 PM): im not a manwhore like you
Katie (10:46:46 PM): anyways so he calls his brother a manwhore and then starts talking to his mom again
Mary (10:47:20 PM): and shes like "dont worry, you'll find someone" and he goes "thanks mom i love you" and everyone in the world goes
Mary (10:47:23 PM): AWWWWWWWWWW <3
Katie (10:49:41 PM): and then hes like
Katie (10:49:44 PM): ya know what
Katie (10:49:48 PM): she was a skank anyways
Katie (10:49:52 PM): screw that ho
Mary (10:50:15 PM): and he goes
Mary (10:50:17 PM): MOM!!!
Mary (10:50:25 PM): and shes lke what, she was
Katie (10:50:42 PM): and hes like yea i guess so
Katie (10:50:45 PM): but still
Katie (10:50:51 PM): it doesnt make me feel better
Katie (10:50:56 PM): and shes like awe hunny
Mary (10:51:46 PM): and then pedroia bashes in to the house w/a stripper and Pap comes in behind him drunk off his ass
Katie (10:52:05 PM): and jacoby's like uhhh mom i gotta go
Katie (10:52:13 PM): love you bye
Mary (10:52:29 PM): and Pap barges into his room
Mary (10:52:35 PM): and flops down on the bed
Katie (10:53:13 PM): and Jacoby is like ok im leaving now
Katie (10:53:19 PM): and runs out of the house
Katie (10:53:23 PM): and is like
Katie (10:53:30 PM): i can't even stay in my own house
Katie (10:53:35 PM): so he gest all sad again
Katie (10:53:45 PM): cause he has nowhere to go and hsi friends are all trashed
Mary (10:53:58 PM): so he knocks on Tek's door
Katie (10:54:06 PM): and is like
Katie (10:54:10 PM): can i stay here tonight
Katie (10:54:23 PM): and hes like *all concerned* yea sure ok
Katie (10:54:26 PM): whats wrong?
Mary (10:54:45 PM): and they sit down on the couch, tek wraps him in a blanket and gives him coco
Mary (10:54:55 PM): and he starts telling tek what's wrong
Mary (10:55:01 PM): and he's all concerned
Mary (10:55:09 PM): and there's totally Lifetime on the TV
Mary (10:55:13 PM): but no one notices
Katie (10:55:38 PM): and then Tek is all reassuring him
Katie (10:55:44 PM): and hes like dont worry it's all gonna be fine
Katie (10:56:59 PM): and then Mrs. Tek comes in w/ cookies
Mary (10:58:07 PM): and she sits down and starts petting his head
Mary (10:58:14 PM): and telling him its going to be ok
Katie (10:58:38 PM): and shes like just let it all out hunny
Mary (10:58:42 PM): and he starts crying
Mary (10:58:54 PM): and tek and his wife guive him a giant group hug
Mary (10:59:13 PM): and then buckholz walks in, rubbing his eyes sleepily, and goes
Mary (10:59:21 PM): "you woke me up."
Mary (10:59:27 PM): "....why are you crying?"
Katie (10:59:38 PM): and Jacoby hiccups and is like sorry man
Mary (10:59:54 PM): and buckholz frowns and walks over and hugs jacoby
Mary (11:00:01 PM): then his cell phone rings
Katie (11:00:36 PM): and he's like who the christ is calling me
Katie (11:00:39 PM): and Tek is like
Katie (11:00:42 PM): watch your mouth
Mary (11:00:54 PM): Jacoby apologises and pulls out his pone
Katie (11:01:20 PM): and he's like i dont know this number
Katie (11:01:27 PM): i just dont wanna talk to anyonee
Katie (11:01:28 PM): and Tek's
Katie (11:01:35 PM): like just answer it
Mary (11:01:42 PM): so he does and it's Pap
Mary (11:01:44 PM): drunk off his ass
Mary (11:01:48 PM): and he goes
Mary (11:02:13 PM): "it's yerrr girlfirend. she's here and she's offering to bedazzle the shit out of my coat. WHERE ARE YOUUU?!"
Mary (11:02:20 PM): ::hiccup::
Katie (11:02:38 PM): and Jacoby just hangs up and starts crying again
Katie (11:03:08 PM): and Buchholz is like aw what happened
Mary (11:03:47 PM): and Jacoby explains it all to him, and Buchholz is like aww sorry dude. that's rough
Mary (11:03:57 PM): and tek's wife is like
Mary (11:04:18 PM): "i would stay up with you but i have to get up early" so she goes to bed and leads buchholz sleepily away
Mary (11:04:37 PM): and Tek pats Jacoby on the head and tells him to get some sleep on the couch
Katie (11:04:52 PM): and they're all like it'll get better i promise
Katie (11:05:06 PM): and then hes like all quiet "thanks"
Mary (11:05:14 PM): so Tek goes to bed
Mary (11:05:31 PM): and Jacoby puts down the cocoa, and snuggles into the couch
Mary (11:05:42 PM): he falls asleep soon after
Mary (11:05:54 PM): and awakes in the morning to some wallfes and bacon
Mary (11:05:57 PM): with a note
Mary (11:06:01 PM): from Pedoria
Mary (11:06:03 PM): saying
Mary (11:06:23 PM): "sorry i was drunk last night. come over after breakfast and we'll make cupcakes."
Mary (11:06:32 PM): PREQUEL TO THE CUPCAKE STORY!!!!

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FIRST POST!

Hello all, and welcome to the birth and first steps of Mary and Katie's new Red Sox blog.

Yeah, we're a bit crazy.

Yeah, we love Dustin Pedroia and Jacoby Ellsbury (respectively).

And yes, we are made of awesome.

Intensely made of awesome.

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